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Blog
Goings on
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January 2010
48 entries this month
2172 total entries
Honor: 2,536 [ Give / Take ]
*sigh*
01:43:27 - Jan 31 2010
Times Read: 344
"just, be nice to the Pretty Young-Un in the mirror..."
I'll see what I can do :)
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17:52:27 - Jan 30 2010
Times Read: 357
I want to have kids. I'd love to do all the little things with them, and have a family. However, I am so afraid that I will effect my children as negatively as our mother did to my sister's and I.
No matter how strongly I feel about wanting children, the fear of hurting them and subjecting them to the same things we experienced stops that thought all together.
No one can say for sure that I am not like her, and that I will never do those things to my children because I know how bad it all is. I want a family of my own so badly, i want sons and a daughter... but not badly enough to wreck the lives of my beautiful children.
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23:50:20 - Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 363
Delving deep into your heart, discovering truths, painting visions, within these lines of you
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23:33:17 - Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 366
Enjoy any moment of happiness that you could have now and you will see that happiness attracts happiness and what is high is integrated with the high. Understand, live and experience love as something that is simultaneously produced on several levels, that is to say, in the physical dominance as well as the emotional, mental and spiritual.
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19:04:32 - Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 369
Simple pleasure # 351
Fruit explosion muffin and a french Vanilla Cappuccino.
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18:24:31 - Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 372
The mind of a soldier sis something I want to understand. I want to comprehend what it is like to be a soldier and go through the same experiences they do. I have thought about joining the army recently... I wonder I wonder I wonder. The recruitment office is at Square one... open all week and sat for four hours...
Hmmm.....
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15:32:50 - Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 376
God I am such an idiot?!?!?!
Why do these things always have to take so long to sink in for me?!?!?!
How could I have been so stupid?!
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00:11:09 - Jan 28 2010
Times Read: 392
So today was interesting....
I stuck my tongue out at a kid at work today, just as a silly gesture, and I think she took it personally. LoL Woops.
My owner's husband was in all day (joy) so i was busy all day, but stayed an extra hour by accident. Oh well, had a sales guy give me his card ;) and sold over $400 bucks to some guy AND re-did a couple sections... oh i am soo good.
Managed to cut my fingers, but stole some light bulbs from work as the ones in the living room went out.
What's funny is, some dude came in and had crappy slippers, as we got a bad batch of them this year. I explained that without a receipt i couldnt do anything, at best i could just do a straight exchange, even though the same thing might happen with the other one. He seemed pretty ok with taking that offer, until Steve (said hubby of owner) showed up. He gave the guy attitude, great customer service, and they started arguing... And then i got to listen to Steve go on and on about how the other guy, who was nice and polite to me, was a dick head and just wanted to be a tough guy. Yea...Uhm... I think you need to take a CSR course or something. And this is who I am supposed to learn from? Gawd.
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15:13:18 - Jan 27 2010
Times Read: 414
First idiotic phone call of the day...
Gaaawd, let me go back to bed.
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02:46:26 - Jan 26 2010
Times Read: 421
Couldn't deny the feelings I no longer have, or the dreams I was having. I had to tell him, and I had to say it. I was just ignoring it, being a coward, hoping it would sort itself out. It didn't.
I can't wait for this to be over.
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02:34:37 - Jan 26 2010
Times Read: 423
It's done. Completely. God.
July 22 2008 to January 25th 2010
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22:17:23 - Jan 23 2010
Times Read: 435
"how are you" or "how r u"
Correct sentence structure: "How are you?"
FUCK! How hard is it really?!?!?!?!
Put some effort into it!
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18:40:56 - Jan 23 2010
Times Read: 439
Recommended: Source dessert Yogurts!!!
Sooo good!!!
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01:01:59 - Jan 23 2010
Times Read: 446
Mwuahahah
We made a fort out of Snuggies, and a tower of Car toys... One kid has already tried to remove a toy from the bottom of the tower...
Let the massacre, begin.
>:)
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21:34:13 - Jan 22 2010
Times Read: 455
We're changing the entire layout of the store today. So far We've done about Half of it. And I have had a box fall on my head already.
Huge head ache now. :( When is break time????
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01:24:48 - Jan 22 2010
Times Read: 457
Disconnected.
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18:20:47 - Jan 21 2010
Times Read: 462
Sometimes, I wait a long time to try new things. I didn't try on lipstick or eyeshadow until I was 17. I only recently started using hairspray. I was 16 when I started getting my hair done more often then once every two years. There really is no exaggeration here...
I think I should start trying things in leaps and bounds, as opposed to tiny little ant steps.
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02:26:10 - Jan 21 2010
Times Read: 467
My store is planning on firing people and training the new people the way that the senior staff (Myself included) weren't trained. So I'm looking for extra work, just in case. And have to make sure I don't give them a reason to fire me. Although, they may create a reason, the way they did with the old manager, so they can get rid of people anyways.
They didn't even give Ian any shifts this week. He's been there longer than me. Our district manager was in on Monday and left us a long note about how we had done nothing right, our sales were low because we weren't trying and the back room needed to be cleaned...
Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!
The back room was SPOTLESS! It had been vaccumed, the bags and boxes, demos and christmas stuff had been sorted and organised. our sales were low because YOU ASSHOLES hadn't sent us any stock in more than two weeks!!! How can we SELL when we have NOTHING TO SELL!?!?!?!?
Oh and by the way, a 'Well fucking done' for making over $100,000 dollar in the month of December, and being top sales out of all the stores... would havebeen kind of nice. Hell, a THANK YOU would have been nice too. Bitches. And we're not doing anything right??? Are you serious?!?!?! Try looking at the fact that Matt, who's been here for three weeks took back final sales Items, and he didn't get qwritten up for it, when I did when i first stated. Or the fact that the boys dont clean OR face the shelves when they close. Maybe since you have you daughter coming around now, and spying on us, you would know that. Maybe she would see we DO do our jobs. Well. We look after your store while you look after your failing marriage, coming in once in a blue moon to do NOTHING but complain, and then change something around the way you had it before the LAST time you came in.
UGH!!!
UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS!
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00:50:54 - Jan 20 2010
Times Read: 473
"Well, maybe we could start with a dinner..."
"Sounds good... but how do you want to finish?"
"Simultaneously."
Wooooooow.
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Arg!
00:27:15 - Jan 20 2010
Times Read: 476
One more person that I managed to disappoint... When will the list end????
Ugh. :(
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Annoyed.
20:52:23 - Jan 19 2010
Times Read: 486
Why do I want to read lists upon lists in peoples' profiles of what music and movies they like...
Does this define you as a person??? These lists tell me NOTHING about you.
Hell, all of you have the same list anyways, even when you TRY to be different.
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Simple Pleasures
20:34:22 - Jan 19 2010
Times Read: 487
Caramel Popcorn.
:)
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Just so unsure.
01:24:51 - Jan 19 2010
Times Read: 500
...
Don't really want to deal with people. Might avoid them at all costs for the next couple of days.
*sigh*
Still have to go to work LoL
"Hit me again Doc, I can still feel my damn heartbeat."
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14:36:03 - Jan 15 2010
Times Read: 509
Had a weird dream last night, or this morning...
I was argying iwth Grant, and he had come over and trashed the place, or it had already been trashed fomr the party I had the night before, or I just hadn't cleaned it in a long time. Neel and him were over and i was being insulted and riciculed. Then later on in the dream, Neel stays behind, I am wearing a cowboy hat, and then we make out at the top of the stairs.
O_O
It was a good yet weird dream. Made very little sense.
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06:46:38 - Jan 14 2010
Times Read: 515
The air has a "Fate and destiny' feel to it tonight. I am in a mood where, big decisions should be made and whole truths should be spoken.
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06:27:31 - Jan 14 2010
Times Read: 516
I am high maintenance, but in a different way from most people. My life is full of surprises, loads of ups and downs, and can be very stressful. I'm not saying I am any different from other people in this world, but that I need a different type of 'attention". Not from others, but from myself. I need to make sure I have time to myself. I need writing time and walking time.
there are many many facets to my life that Require so much attention, and I guess I am still learning how to adjust to them all and give them all the attention and energy that they need. I feel so old sometimes, but I am so afraid of missing out on life. I only recently started buying new clothes for myself, and getting my hair done, or planning for big trips to Vegas or Italy....
I have things I want to accomplish in this life and i don't want to waste another wenty years. I have grown into someone that I never expected to be but had always wanted to be. it's a nice little surprise :)
Just sucks that I had to leave Grant behind because of it. I felt that in order to be young and enjoy my life i had to be single, but i felt that was wrong. SO i felt that in order to be an adult, i had to be in a relationship. Wrong again. Now i realise that i just wasnthappy in my relationship because I wasnt able to be the person I had changed into. I want to be independent again and have more freedom. I dont want expectations or responsibilites that I dont HAVE to have. I have enoug hof those already.
Just feel so stupid that it took me so long to figure this out and that I handled everything so badly. I feel so far away frm being the adult I pictured myself to be.
Why do I want to be old anyways? I already feel ooolllddd and worn out.
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06:01:11 - Jan 14 2010
Times Read: 517
I think I am going to find someone, somewhere around here, who can do a legitimate Astrology chart for me :)
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23:39:45 - Jan 13 2010
Times Read: 522
"I don't think you know just how much you mean to me. "
No I probably dont. Things like that never sink in. Grant used to tell me shit like that constantly... all the time. Every morning, every night. I never felt it. Never reciprocated. I'm like that with pretty much everyone apparently. I;ve recently discovered that... I know I should be able to feel it but I dont.
So no, i don't know how much I mean to you.
I dont think i am a very good candidate for someones affection, or compassion. Not right now.
Not right now, not for a long time.
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23:13:59 - Jan 13 2010
Times Read: 523
HAd a few weird dreams last night. As I was falling asleep I had one... well two but it was basically the same dream just copied... it was a type of dream I've never had before.
In the morning. I had one dream where I was being forced to go down into a mine. There were rickety stairs down this stairway. Teh stairway itself was only 4 feet by 4 feet at most. And the stairs were only two feet long. Some were smaller. The further down I went, the more dangerous it became and the likely hood that I would fall down the centre of the stairwell was increasing. I stopped short, with the three guys behind me, pushing me forward but refused and started climbing back up.
Then, one of the guys ended up going to bed, and I went to my friend Marcin's house. Him and two of my other friends were sleeping inside the couch O_O... If you saw it in my dream it would make sense LoL We started partying and it was good. I showed them my DVD collection which was a heck of a lot bigger in my dream then it actually is LoL This part of the dream was only substantial because of the way I felt. I felt, good and happy and young. I was having fun.
The next section of my dream was like a movie, a mix b etween batman and four brothers and a old school gangster movie. I got shot. We were chasing these guys in a black escalade SUV or whatever... and I was trying to make sure this one kid was going to get shot or run over. So i managed to run ahead and get in the way but i got shot. Once in the lower left part of my abdomen, and then once in my heart.... maybe one more time but I am not sure... I didn't die. I was alive when the escalade left, and apparently that meant that everything had worked out and was ok. The person who needed saving was saved and I was going to die. And tha was fine with me...
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01:43:02 - Jan 13 2010
Times Read: 526
I don't want to home. *sigh*
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23:20:03 - Jan 11 2010
Times Read: 533
I know who he is.
Really? The man and the living room?
Yes.
Ok, who is he?
A teacher or some sort. He's older, much older I guess but, not really. And I am there because I am working on my Masters with him.
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22:54:00 - Jan 11 2010
Times Read: 535
I just want to be alone. That's all I ever ask for. Even now, I can't have it.
I just want to be alone, and cry and console myself. but i have no where to do that anymore.
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04:14:26 - Jan 11 2010
Times Read: 542
I ride the bus a lot, after work, before work and in bad weather. Other than that I walk.
I don't mind getting rides for people but at the same time, the bus is when I have time alone. Janet lives with me now and I dont get my much needed alone time so I break down much easier now. My head is much more chaotic.
I like riding the bus because, I just have to get on and it carries me wherever i have to go. I don't have to drive, and I don't have to walk. I get to just listen to music, and think. Think. Think. and let it go. I even sing at bus stops too LoL
I feel quite trapped right now... by everyone and everything. usually, my alone time would be enough to counter that feeling and let me ease some of my tension. Well lets just say my shoulders have been hanging from my ears for weeks now.
My actions often reflect my feelings. If I am affectionate and considerate, I am content. If I am all over the place and making stupid decisions, I am confused. If I am withdrawn and angry, I am upset. And I am silent and poker faced, I am thinking hard. I only snap at someone, or get angry when I cant resolve a problem, or the same problem keeps coming back. or if there are so many things going on at one time, that I cant keep my head above water.
I feel better now.
*sigh*
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Finish this for me???
03:47:36 - Jan 11 2010
Times Read: 547
I believe that you are the leader of your own life and every moment should be taken into account in one way or another. Yes life is complicated, fickle and difficult but that's the beauty of it. Smile while you're there, and see the sun behind everything. It'll all work out in the end. Tomorrow, might not be as bad as today is, or it could be worse but right now...
I don't know how to end that sentence...
Matsunome: "Hey, an escort can be bought in an evening, but a woman takes a lifetime to make."
Me: "I don't know who I am anymore."
Matsunome: "That's OK, Your life is about the trip to find out.... The end result isn't nearly as important as the journey."
You make me feel better LoL
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03:37:59 - Jan 11 2010
Times Read: 548
Great day.
Garage door is fixed (but for how long?), Went to the gym, made lunch, had a nap.. *sigh*
Just one more thing left to do. :)
I hope I dream tonight.
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21:53:28 - Jan 09 2010
Times Read: 556
If another person asks me about the Palm wallet... I may or may not lose my last piece of sanity.
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YaY Snow and Winter Time!
19:30:51 - Jan 09 2010
Times Read: 557
The snow is worth the hassle when you see how beautiful everything is. At night it's never quieter than when snow is falling. Everything looks fresh and clean and renewed. We wouldn't appreciate the Spring for what it was if we didn't have the snow and the cold.
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15:36:55 - Jan 09 2010
Times Read: 562
Sleepy. Remind me again why I picked up my manager's shift??? Oh yea... because I don't want to work Sunday.
It's so cold out I just want to be snuggly warm in bed!!! I'll settle for the couch... or the floor!! I'm never asleep long enough to have any good dreams either. Boo.
One good thing though, It's sunny out side :)
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18:20:34 - Jan 08 2010
Times Read: 585
Light shines through my window
I've woken up again
My muscles ache and I know,
I don't want this day to begin.
I could not get up this morning. My shoulders are way too tight and I would love to take a nap. Mmm cozy.
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My List :)
17:40:23 - Jan 08 2010
Times Read: 587
1. Live in Australia for at least a year
2. Own a sports car and a house
3. Finish writing one book and publish it
4. Get a degree from Oxford
5. Sky dive
6. Meet the band members from 'Blue October'
7. Sing at the Oscars
8. Pet a tiger and a whale
9. Learn two other languages
10. Go to Auschwitz Camp in Poland
11. Meet Prince Harry and William :P
The only limits we have are the ones we place upon ourselves.
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01:36:53 - Jan 08 2010
Times Read: 593
*sigh*
I feel so tired even though... I have no real reason to be. My get up and go got up and left. I want my ENERGY BACK!
Janet's dissapointed with me. She says she doesn't get enough guidance or support from me.
I so need to spend a day cleaning this place.
Work might be putting us all on probation again, apparently none of us work up to standard.
Grant wants to see me all weekend but I want to go o the gym with Janet on Sunday.
THe garage door opener is getting replaced tomorrow, and I have to go to the post office after work and Canadian Tire to exchange the bulbs!! I keep getting the wrong ones!!!
I need a new book and a new pair of pants!! I did find a really nice eye shadows and eye liner at The Body Shop today... And a really nice sweater at Dynamite. Why oh why do i let my self go shopping with no money?! LoL
*sigh*
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CORNY! But cute ;)
20:42:54 - Jan 06 2010
Times Read: 600
"It's just a shit storm right now babe, but that's why I am here, to bring on the sunshine." :P
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Psychic Sales Associate
15:28:22 - Jan 06 2010
Times Read: 606
Customer walks into store
"How much is that thing?" Points into middle of store, where there are at least 15 different things in the middle of the store.
Me (Trying to figure out what she's pointing at): "Which thing?"
Customer (Still pointing): "That thing, that you sell."
Me: Stares "Could you perhaps be a bit more specific? Is it a piece of excersize equipment?
Customer: "No, no the one that you move on..."
O_O
The Orbitrek. She wanted the biggest thing in the store and yes it IS a piece of excersise equipment.
Or how about my favorite question:
"Do you think my sister/brother/cousin/mother/distant relation would like this?"
Step One: Smile.
Step Two: Lie.
Work... it's really just a guessing game.
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01:40:11 - Jan 06 2010
Times Read: 613
At work. It's really snowy out. I don't want to be here. Twenty minutes left!!! We are sooo pre closing so I can get out of here NOW!
Bart Says: Christina's a dummy! She hurt my feelings... and YES I DO LIKE ASIAN
*MEN*!
Edit: That totally back fired... i missed my bus, or it didn't come... it took me over an hour to get home and i STILL had to walk twenty minutes in the snow... Ah well, dry feet and some dinner.
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Lmao Bart
00:35:01 - Jan 06 2010
Times Read: 622
God damnit!! They are either taken! Or they're British!
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"You're fucking vampires..."
04:16:10 - Jan 05 2010
Times Read: 634
Yea, you're fucking bitches.
:D
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03:21:21 - Jan 04 2010
Times Read: 637
Bored and frustrated with the way things are. I need new people and energy in my life. I so hope I can reregister this week, take the exam and be in school by the end of the week.
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17:05:43 - Jan 01 2010
Times Read: 646
I am having THE BEST DAY EVER! And i only just woke up....!!!!!!!!!!! :D
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18:04:55
Jan 30 2010
ThothLestat
18:21:34
Jan 30 2010