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Blog
Goings on
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September 2010
50 entries this month
2175 total entries
Honor: 2,536 [ Give / Take ]
03:04:51 - Sep 30 2010
Times Read: 294
Essay and Dance class.
Good balance I say :)
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22:24:27 - Sep 28 2010
Times Read: 300
So I have contacted The Children's Aid Society of Toronto, John Howard Society- Mississauga, Child Find Ontario, and Spectra- Ditress centre of Peel region.
So I'll either be working with Criminals right out of the system, Children and youth in a group home, people dedicated to finding lost and kidnapped children/ Youth and their families or at a distress centre working the crisis invternetion hotlines.
Go me!!!
I cannot wait until next January!!! YaY!
I am going to try Yonge Street Mission before I finish for the day and go onto some light reading aha Light. I crack myself up....
-_- =D
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17:53:29 - Sep 28 2010
Times Read: 301
So I'll actually be home early for once!! No way!! I can call placements and my Grandmother. Woot!
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20:53:01 - Sep 24 2010
Times Read: 326
Sleepy. Was not in the mood for class today... but got through it. Picked up a close tonight as well, and Sunday too.
Chilling tonight, essays tomorrow. Work and more essays Sunday... and I get a day off.. when?
=D
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02:19:27 - Sep 24 2010
Times Read: 331
Such a shitty day that ended way better than it had started.
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15:24:22 - Sep 23 2010
Times Read: 341
Pole dancing rocks my socks!!
So much fun, cannot wait until next week!
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23:19:44 - Sep 22 2010
Times Read: 346
*sigh* one of those days.
Interview tomorrow, Pole dance class tonight.. should be good. only 6 weeks. 6 Wed's that I can't work...
Ahead on a few assignments so not worried. Teacher didn't show this morning. Cell wasn't receiving texts and forgot to get thigh highs to go with my work outfit... fail...
Tomorrow shall be a better day.
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02:11:03 - Sep 21 2010
Times Read: 354
Could I ever be the object of your fantasy?
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00:21:41 - Sep 21 2010
Times Read: 355
I so wish I had applied for the needs based bursary last semester!! money that would have paid my bills for me that I don't need to pay back!!! Ah well... at leats I'll not have to worry about transportation and food money. And I can get dress pants and shoes for my practicum interviews and placements.
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23:56:32 - Sep 20 2010
Times Read: 357
I had the worst dream this morning.
At first I was sleeping outside and it was raining but i had no where to go. Then as I went inside a house I was given a baby to look after, but it was crying. As I was carrying it to go see it's Grandmother, it wouldnt stop crying, so I slapped it on the cheek.
After doing this i felt so guilty I handed the baby over and left to go to the airport as I was going to be late for my flight. I ended up missing it, but had a flight rescheduled for a week later. So the dream ended with me stranded in an airport...
I woke up with the guitly feeling of having slapped the baby and it took me a moment to realise I had never actually done it...
I feel so uneasy still.
~ To dream of a crying baby, symbolizes a part of yourself that is deprived of attention and needs to be nurtured. Alternatively, it represents your unfulfilled goals and a sense of lacking in your life. If you dream that a baby is neglected, then it suggests that you are not paying enough attention to yourself. You are not utilizing your full potential. Alternatively, this dream could represent your fears about your own children and your ability to protect and to provide for them.
To see a baby in your dream, signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. Babies symbolize something in your own inner nature that is pure, vulnerable, helpless and/or uncorrupted. If you find a baby in your dream, then it suggests that you have acknowledged your hidden potential. If you dream that you forgot you had a baby, then it suggests that you are trying hide your own vulnerabilities; You do not want to let others know of your weaknesses. Alternatively, forgetting about a baby, represents an aspect of yourself that you have abandoned or put aside due to life's changing circumstances. The dream may serve as a reminder that it is time for you to pick up that old interest, hobby, or project again.
To dream that you are babysitting, suggests that you need to care for the child within yourself. ~
~ To dream about your backyard, represents your childhood memories or your unconscious. Alternatively, dreaming of your backyard, refers to the secrets you are keeping. There are some aspects of your life which you want to keep hidden and out of the view of others. The dream also represents some aspect of your life that you have taken for granted. Consider also the phrase "not in my backyard." In other words, everything is okay as long as it does not happen to you or occur in your own home. The condition of the yard is also symbolic of how well you maintain and balance aspects of your life. ~
~ To see and hear rain falling, symbolizes forgiveness and grace. Falling rain is also a metaphor for tears, crying and sadness. Alternatively, rain symbolizes fertility and renewal. If you get wet from the rain, then it indicates cleaning from your troubles and problems. ~
~ To dream that you are late, signifies your fear of change and your ambivalence about seizing an opportunity. You may feel unready, unworthy, or unsupported in your current circumstances. Additionally, you may be overwhelmed or conflicted with decisions about your future. Time is running out and you no longer have time to accomplish all the things you want. Alternatively, being late in your dream could be telling you that it is better late than never. ~
~To see an airport in your dream, symbolizes birth (arrivals) and death (departures). If the airport is busy, then it signifies the desire for freedom, high ideals, ambition, and hopes. It is an indication that you are approaching a new departure in your life. Some new idea is taking off or is ready to take off. You may be experiencing a new relationship, new career path or new adventure. ~
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22:27:49 - Sep 20 2010
Times Read: 359
I suppose I should get to my homework.
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16:43:35 - Sep 20 2010
Times Read: 365
But of course.
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*sigh* Go figure.
03:01:07 - Sep 20 2010
Times Read: 369
Walk, sleep.
Another long week, after a very full weekend.
My comfy bed awaits me after a long stroll down a dimly lit path.
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Question
03:23:44 - Sep 19 2010
Times Read: 376
What is it about Death that you are afraid of???
I am afraid of leaving people behind, and of leaving the comfort that is my life, for something completely unknown, and possibly, be all alone.
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Something you can't live without.
00:47:00 - Sep 19 2010
Times Read: 383
I am not sure how I feel.
We went to visit my Grandmother today, she was having a garage sale and selling all of her things as she had moved into a retirement residence down the road from her apartment. On top of losing her independence she was giving away her car as well.
It was so hard to see all of her stuff being taken by strangers, and friends from her apartment building.
Her heart valves are deteriorating due to old age, she stopped taking her medication but was 'bullied' into taking them by my uncle and his Wife... Apparently she stopped eating as well. not surprising as all of her friends, siblings, family members and their spouses have passed she is seemingly giving up. Seemingly not scared of dying. Completely accepting of it.
I am going to miss her. I don't know if I'll see her again before her funeral. Janet and i picked up one or two things that reminded us of her... a tea pot, tea cups, a couple of plaques i used to read... her Psalms books.
"Take something you can't live without. " She had said.
"Alright then I'll take you." I had said to her.
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To- Do List
17:35:18 - Sep 17 2010
Times Read: 389
1. Good copy of A1 assignment
2. Thesis statement and research for Social Justice
3. Legislation Questions for Ontario Works welfare system
4. Carmilla Review (only 500 words, thank goodness)
5. Reflection in Action #1
6.Online discussion
7. Re-do Resume for placements
8. Call women's shelters for placements
Edit: Well.. I've done two out of 8 so far... Home time :)
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00:15:27 - Sep 17 2010
Times Read: 394
I need to make another To-Do list. I feel slightly down again, stupid cloud hanging over me.. I wish it owuld go away. Just need to put some effort into positive thinking and reverse my thoughts in some fashion.
Good news is I cna get my txts tomorrow, and I'll be staying late tomorrow to finish up an open ended assignments.
Had been hoping to start an essay but I need the text book and am busy all weekend. Sunday sounds like the better option.
Have to print out a bunch of things as well, including my Student resource guide. And have to read chapters one and two from the txt for the class I have today and she literally RUNS through her slides... and she has totally messed me up with her backwards facts about Sigmund Freud...
I am finding it hard to think tonight.. hard to land my head on one thought and stick with it.
Hummm....
Oh and I think im going to leave a thank you note for the janitor under his door tomorrow :)
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Can't concentrate... must finish...
15:11:15 - Sep 16 2010
Times Read: 403
On a side note... I am completly addicted to Starbucks now...
Not good. I'll bet that is how half the people of Toronto became homeless... that's how I'll become homeless... Aha :P
It's been at least 5 days since my last Starbucks- heaven injected coffee O_o... Still going strong! :P
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22:44:28 - Sep 15 2010
Times Read: 406
When people ask me why i go to the gym so much... I say it's because I have an unhealth addiction to cookies.
=)
Stayed in school for waaaaaay too long today btu got all but half of one thing finished!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel so much better about everything and Carl and I worked on something together and we talked. He's so strange but cool too... aha hard to describe.
Tired.
Ontario Works, Resume building, Good copy of A1 assignment and class, Zumba, Yoga and Coffee. then bed :)
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16:07:55 - Sep 15 2010
Times Read: 409
Such a good discussion thsi class I am thinking of starting a forum post.
Modern vs. Ancient.
Which side of the Vampire myth do you prefer and why??
What characteristics unite and divide the two perspectives on the myth???
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Tomorrow's To Do List
03:53:00 - Sep 15 2010
Times Read: 413
1. Bring resume to careers centre to re-vamp
2. Library for two hours to finish A1 project
3. Type up mission statement
4. Call: Handyman
Hospice
Pivotal Staffing
5. Get black pens!!!
6. DL all class outlines and Lab papers
7. Genograph/ Eco graph
8. Line dancing class.....
:)
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01:59:04 - Sep 14 2010
Times Read: 418
I really don't feel as prepared this smester. Half of the books I need aren't even in the bookstore, so even if I had the money to get them right now, i couldn't. And I already have two or three big assignments due in the next three weeks. Thank god I never have any homework in two of my classes, however that is counter acted by the fact that I have to committ at least 30 hours in the next three weeks looking for a placement.
This includes revamping my resume so it's geared towards Placement...
Calling up random places and begging them... i mean convincing them to take a Student not only from Jan to April... but all through the summer as well...
And perhaps giving me a FT job after the fact >;)
On top of this I have to try and find another job... and yea... I really don't know this semester's going to be hellish and it wont be getting any easier.
BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Soo....
16:30:52 - Sep 13 2010
Times Read: 420
..... just had my Practicum lab with Mario and now I am super anxious about getting a placement. By the sounds of it I should have one by week seven! No clue where I am going to go but am going to try and call about 3 or 4 places each week.. and hopefully go for a tour somewhere week 7. Aiming for either a women's shelter, Rehab, which probably won't happen, or a mental health clinic, however I'm going to be open to ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I can find.
Also have to hit up the careers centre to get my resume re done to be geared towards SSW.
I am hungry, tired and should have brought my mattress with me to school... or you know.. a pillow and a blanket.
Heard some disheartening stuff about the copany I am working with now.. Great. Reminds me of 'As seen on TV". My heart is just not in my work right now, i have to get Txts still, and have homework, and just need a re-vamp!!!
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04:21:25 - Sep 11 2010
Times Read: 441
I talked to a careers and academic advisor today and we figured out my next step after Sheridan. I'll be attending York as I won't have to upgrade my math, I can get a year taken off my BA, so instead of doing three years I'll only be doing two, two and a half if have to upgrade at all.
And with this it still gives me the option to get my Masters in Social work if I choose to do so in the future. And I also found there are programs in Australia and England for Social work if want to go down that path, however right now I think I am going to hope I get a FT position with my placement after Graduation, take the year to pay off my school loan and then Start spplying for York in Jan '12, for the Sept ' 12 start.
WooT!!!
And I already know what my Thesis will be when I start my Masters!!!
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02:46:36 - Sep 10 2010
Times Read: 445
Mmmmm yoga. And the bed all to myself tonight as Janets over at Seans :)
I go sleepies soon after a tea and a bit of reading.
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23:00:14 - Sep 08 2010
Times Read: 452
I've had 3 ppl add me today... wt????
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14:26:18 - Sep 08 2010
Times Read: 465
Oh man.
I am so not sure about this Vampire course. We have to read Interview with a vampire, Bram Stoker and Carmilla, which is fine. But the teacher is so... i don't even know. She doesn't care about much it seems... She wants us to watch True Blood in class.... Well it's an elective I should enjoy it. Luckily the presentation is open so I can choose whatever subject I want related to Vampires, I think Iam going to focus on feeding methods.
Also, we're allowed to review a vampire website too... So Guess which one I am choosing aha
I honestly just don't know, this course seems like a waste of my time, if it wasn't about Vampire's I would most likely switch.
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21:20:24 - Sep 07 2010
Times Read: 467
Long day.
Registered for my time table, waited for my appointment, waited in line for my OSAP only to be turned away because I dind't have the right documentations.
GOt to my first class to find out that in THIS class if we are late or miss a class we have to some how make up the time... Greeeeaaatttt.
Get home, have to talk to Gustavio about the bills aaaaand... then go out with Janet...
Home... Nap....
walk later. :)
Oh and my elective class tomorrow... on Vampires!! RWAR!
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Thanks hehe
14:25:28 - Sep 07 2010
Times Read: 470
Such a good day though
=D
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13:22:53 - Sep 07 2010
Times Read: 474
So I didn't even HAVE to pay another $300!!! Just as I was told originally!!! And now I have to miss my first class, unless it's an afternoon class, just to get my timetable!!! Fuck!!!
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... Yea. :)
06:47:02 - Sep 07 2010
Times Read: 479
Wild things should stay wild.
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04:58:52 - Sep 07 2010
Times Read: 482
The little fox runs from the dogs, only to be caught in the claws of a dark wolf.
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04:53:04 - Sep 07 2010
Times Read: 485
AS soon as I see "Juggalo" or whatever bullshit that is on your profile... I don't read a word you have to say.
I value my braincells enough not to read that mind numbing crap.
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02:53:01 - Sep 07 2010
Times Read: 487
School tomorrow. Im going to be late to my first class... stupid time table. It's at another campus too BAH
Slept late this morning so I wont be sleeping well tonight. Tomorrow is going to be interesting.
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ahahahahaaa
01:27:34 - Sep 07 2010
Times Read: 490
"Dad!! There's an evil monkey in my closet!"
"I don't care son.. I just don't care."
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00:56:48 - Sep 07 2010
Times Read: 491
~ .. never feel ashamed. heck. it's part of the journey.
[[and believe me, I've done some weird shit.]] ~
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Grapes
19:56:57 - Sep 06 2010
Times Read: 495
To see grape vines in your dream, symbolize opulence, wealth, and decadence. It also indicates fortitude and your ability to offer happiness to others.
To see or eat grapes in your dream, represent wealth and prosperity. In the end, your hard work will pay off and you will be rewarded for your labor. Alternatively, grapes refer to immortality and sacrifices.
To dream that you are picking and gathering grapes, signify profit and the realization of your desires.
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23:23:46 - Sep 05 2010
Times Read: 499
Sat on the sex swing today, it's really comfy!!! And the girls at work have a nickname for me "Pocket" because I am pocket Sized aha!!!
And tried on a corset today, it fit nicely but I could go down a size to make it more snug :)
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16:10:32 - Sep 05 2010
Times Read: 500
I don't want to go to wooork. Want to stay in bed and sleeeeep all day.
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03:53:05 - Sep 05 2010
Times Read: 506
As long as there is tea and coffee in the world, I am happy.
Work tomorrow, didn't think I did but I read the schedule wrong. Was supposed to meet a friend for coffee but he wanted me to go to his place instead so I decided it would be best if I stayed in.
Aha.
Maybe I'll go for a walk later :)
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17:57:48 - Sep 04 2010
Times Read: 513
Be positive. No one wants to be around you when you're sad and depressed. Sure maybe a real friend doesn't mind but if you want to attract that cute crush you've had for a while, try and be happy, and have a laugh with him.
I had one of the best, worse epiphanies last night.
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05:01:03 - Sep 04 2010
Times Read: 518
Made $700 for the store today, helped out one woman for an hour and she bought a bunch of stuff!!! $400!!! My weekly goal because I am new was $300, i doubled it in one night BOOYA!
Maybe this jobs isn't sooo bad.
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20:09:30 - Sep 03 2010
Times Read: 521
Paying bills, what fun :)
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17:32:02 - Sep 03 2010
Times Read: 522
Cat. 4 hurricane headed for where Gina is but here we're just getting Rain :)
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20:04:11 - Sep 02 2010
Times Read: 525
Well today was a write off, I didn't need to go into school today so didn't need to get up early, so rescheduled the comp at the library for 2, But when i got there I was unable to open my files to print off the cover letter and reusme sooo came back here and just chilling until I have to leave fpor work.
I hate starting new jobs and I really don't know if I like it. I hate having to sell things to people and have daily sales goals. Why can't I just focus on Customer service. If I get this Hotess job at Cadillac Mon to Thursday Im going to quit Aren't We Naughty and get a job at Timmies through the weekends.
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05:50:05 - Sep 02 2010
Times Read: 534
Getting up early tomorrow to head to the library, then off to send out some resumes. One of the jobs is a part time Mon to Thursday position, if I get it, hopefully it will be ok with my current boss to just work Fri, Sat and Sunday. Even though it will take me forever to get home on Sats, it wouldnt be fair to tell them I could only work two shifts. Plus if thats not ok, plenty fo other positions want me for Christmas over the weekends retail wise, it can get pretty hellish.
Have to call the school as well and see if they received my payment, then I may have to take a trip up to the campus and see if they can relase my time table.
So need a car. I should be taking my G1 this September, for $125 which also covers my first road test for my G2 BOMB!
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*siiigh* :)
03:53:25 - Sep 02 2010
Times Read: 538
~ All in all you're no good, cuz you don't cry when you should. ~
Feeling better today, still staying content, more energised. Wanted to keep walking, might go back out again.
I hadn't realised how much my 'not' thinking about my mother had really effected me. In the back of my mind I had been thinking about her and it had made me extremely depressed. I realised that the lack of love I felt from my mother throughout 90% of my life, I was trying to replace with love from anywhere else. Hence why I become to attached to quickly to people I don't really feel as strongly for. I lie to myself and put on a play.
I may have a good father in my life but he is abscent from it. We don't have a connection but that's ok.. I think I can come to terms with that, slowly at least. I know he is there for me, and he does a lot for me, and has sacrificed a lot for us. I am extremely lucky.
Secondly I am glad about coming to the decision I did this past weekend. On top of being stressed about learning a new job, again, because I suck, and being financially strapped I was stressing about something else in the back and front of my mind. I needed to let him go completely to move on and feel right in my head. Yes there were really good times, and great memories and I would be lying if I said I was the same person i was when I started this relationship. I am not, in fact i am quite different, I've grown as a person and I have Him to thank for that. However, this is why I am not with him. He isn't who I want to be with, he isn't the kind of person I want to be with. He's so great, and for a long time I was afraid I could never find anyone as good as him or who would understand me or treat me as well. But that's not true I will find someone, whenever that so happens to be. Right now, i am not looking for anyone, if they show up then great, but I'll love me for who i have become before I try to make someone else happy.
Though I still see him in my minds eye cuddling with a pillow that should be me, and moving on in his life doing whatever he wants to do. I feel sad at times because I have caused this pain and I fear he will not get over it, but I have to have faith he will. I see me meeting him in the future sometime, and I hope that he looks better than ever, and happier than ever. I hope all his dreams are realised and even if he despises me from this point forward, i know I've been loved, and that I found love for two years of my early life.
On top of this i have been thinking about my older sister and her messed up situation. And have decided to wash my hands of it, and let her make her decisions without stressing myself over it. It's her life and her decisions. I don't need to help her but just be there for her. We may have a bond forever but I don't need to be her crutch anymore.
I feel more confident about Janet and her ability to look after herself. She's a hard worker and is determined and will accomplish any goal she sets her sights upon.
Lastly, i am feeling confident about the future, even more so than i was last semester. This week even my dreams were negative, seeping in dark images and colours. I was drowning literally in my own conscious and sub conscious negative emotions. I am content right now and i want it to last. The next time things shake up a bit, I feel a bit better prepared to deal with it.
And look, all this without therapy aha.
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17:55:18 - Sep 01 2010
Times Read: 541
Was supposed to pay $300 deposit for my tuition but I was told that I only needed to pay once at the begining of each academic year. Apparently, they changed that policy without notifiying anyone, so I now owe $300 and an extra $100 late fee before I can start my classes or ge tmy time table. I have money coming into my account this week but I'd have to pay it Friday at the latest to get my timetable on time, otherwise I'll not be able to attend the first day of classes. And the school is closed on Monday. Gah.
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*sigh*
06:51:25 - Sep 01 2010
Times Read: 541
After a good walk and some serious self talk, I feel better.
Clear headed and able to be bright again.
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01:19:42 - Sep 01 2010
Times Read: 377
I had such a negative dream this morning. Janet and I were foster kids of this southern hick family who's living room opened to a muddy lake. They hunted Canadian geese and Swans. They lured them past a fence and then caught then on rusty traps that were laing beneath the surface of the water. The Swans floated out in th emiddle of the lake but once they reached the shore, the swans weren't real. I picked up one floating object and it was rope, when i squeezed it there was sand and water seeping all over my hands.
I tried to save a goose by putting it back through the fence, as i waded through the water but it lost consciousness, and a huge creepy swamp monster waddled up to it. So i reached through the barbed wire and picked it up, but it had turned into a kitten. I carried it to shore and sat next to my sister, while the foster father was plucking a dead goose. The phone rang at this point and their real son said it was for once of us. however, we werent allowed to give out the house number to anyone, so we both said we hadn't and didn't know who it was.
They didn't believe us but he hung up the phone. A few moments later janet disappeared up the stairs, no doubt to check her cell phone for a text from whoever had just called.
Not sure what happened after that but yea...
~ To see muddy or dirty water in your dream, indicates that you are wallowing in your negative emotions. You may need to take some time to cleanse your mind and find internal peace. Alternatively, the dream suggests that your thinking/judgment is unclear and clouded. If you are immersed in muddy water, then it indicates that you are in over your head in a situation and are overwhelmed by your emotions.
To dream that water is rising up in your house, suggests that you are becoming overwhelmed by your emotions. ~
~ To see geese in your dream, represent domesticity and lifelong companionship. It may also indicate your tendency to go with the crowd. Alternatively, the dream means that you are well grounded. ~
~ To see a white swan in your dream, symbolizes grace, purity, beauty, dignity, wealth and prestige. Something or someone that may initially be unappealing can turn out to be quite attractive. It is important not to prejudge a situation or person based on the surface.
To see a black swan in your dream, signifies mystery and the unknown. It represents something that is alluring, yet forbidden. ~
~ To see someone else hunting an animal in your dream, suggests that you are trying to locate a hidden aspect of your own self. You be trying to indirectly approach a challenge or situation. ~
~ To see a kitten in your dream, represents a transitional phase toward independence. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes innocence and purity. ~
~ To see rust in your dream, signifies neglect, disappointments, depression or old age. Rust also suggests that you are not utilizing your talents and potential. ~
~ To see a fence in your dream, signifies an obstacle or barrier that may be standing on your path. You may feel confined and restricted in expressing yourself. Are you feeling fenced in some situation or confined in some relationship? Alternatively, it may symbolize a need for privacy. You may want to shut off the rest of the world. ~
~ To see barbed wire in your dream, represents difficulty in breaking through or getting your point across to someone.
To dream that you are caught in barbed wire, symbolizes oppression and confinement. You are feeling trapped and restricted in some relationship. ~
*siiiiiigh*
I dunno.
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placidchaos
04:41:38
Sep 25 2010