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Blog
CH3CH2OH
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November 2008
12 entries this month
325 total entries
Honor: 4,736 [ Give / Take ]
Joli sharing some of her favorite photographs with me...
03:26:14 - Nov 27 2008
Times Read: 333
Joli: It's Gloria Swanson
Birra: circa 1920?
Joli: Probably earlier
Birra: really?
Joli: hang a sec
Birra: no imdb'ing!
Birra: Wow... born 1899
Joli: ok, you're probably right
Joli: Mary Pickford is usually my favorite
Joli: want to see some of my favorites?
Birra: sorry. I'm just trying to get past a woman telling me, "I'm probably right."
Joli: ha
Birra: half expecting to see brimstone and horsemen...
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Sleepless nights
07:09:49 - Nov 26 2008
Times Read: 349
Sleepless nights fighting this urge
A distant call
Wanting to belong here
To fit this life
A dream
Only a dream
Far out of reach
From the earliest memories
To the pain of yesterday
This heart cannot become
A stone locked on a mountain side
To be moved
Only by a cosmic force
This face cannot be transformed
By the corduroy pillow
Slept on each night
These legs will not change into
The majestic plumage of a bird
Giving flight and freedom
To climb high above the sacrifices of the Earth
This skin cannot be the scales
Of the chameleon
Blending into every setting
This life will not lay dormant
Like the tulip under ground
Waiting for a better time to bloom
Underneath the skin and bone
Lives a man
This man who is
But can be undone
A man who is
But can change his ways
A man who is
But cannot be someone else
A destiny waits before him
Not one of pleasure in this life
The laughter comes
And the smiles
A touch of his lover
And a fleeting feeling of being wanted
Making the pain worthwhile
For a moment
No horse shoe
No clover
No
Nothing to bring luck to his heart
It is his trial to be stood
A defense to be presented
Guilty
Always guilty
Unable to be proven innocent
Of the crimes society will perceive
The gavel drops and echoes through his life
Not meant to be
Never meant to be
And on this sleepless night
His mind sweats
And his hands grasp these covers
Cold above
Emptiness below
Always surrounded by the want
The desire
The weakness and the strength
To know
Only to know
To have
Wanting to have
And the willingness
Always willing
And when sleep finally comes
His dreams will reside
A life lived by the second
Hopes and fears
Wants and desires
Until the sun does rise again
And life
The return of life
And another day begins
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PRIVATE ENTRY
06:56:30 - Nov 20 2008
Times Read: 382
* * * PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY * * *
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End of all...
06:54:49 - Nov 20 2008
Times Read: 384
There are no feelings now
Only an empty shell of a heart
No more blood or tears
No more desire or hate
No words from the poets
Writing in the tall grasses of August
About the love and sadness
That life crafts beneath us
A delicate chair to sit upon
Holding us
But precariously teetering
Over the gravity that pulls hard
When our hearts are heavy
And the kite string bound to ankles
Stopping our ascent
When our hearts soar
They will soar no more
Those days are gone
Past and forgotten
With the tears you used
To soften the Earth around the grave
Where you chose to leave me lying
Sopping in the sucking mud
Reaching for your hand
When the Earth offered me
No base to stand on
No wall to climb
No escape from this hole you dug
With the fragments of my shattered soul
...
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PRIVATE ENTRY
06:49:20 - Nov 20 2008
Times Read: 387
* * * PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY * * *
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The Eternal Game
20:00:17 - Nov 14 2008
Times Read: 428
I just submitted this poem to the database (fingers crossed I didn't f**k up the submission). I feel a bit like the Beatles.. "On behalf of the band I'd like to say, I hope we passed the audition..."
Anyway, my first attempt at a thematic poem, not just something written on feeling and on a whim.
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The hunger and thirst
That never subsides
This ancient game
We play
The hunt
My passion
The blood
My quest
The prey
She walks through shadows
In a visionless world
And the night turns cold
The Earth surrenders its heat
As the sky surrenders its light
The sun and the moon
Eternal lovers
One submitting to the other
A fluid exchange
To be played out this night
Before she submits to me
Her heart beats in time
With every quickening footstep
Her breath curls
My lamb
My slaughter
Wide eyed she moves
With such grace and beauty
Only for my seduction
Will she stumble and fall
As the night’s black cloak
The reaper’s guise
My moonless cover
To be her undoing
Her scent surrounds me
Fragrant
Sweet
I breathe it in
She exudes her sex
Curves and softness
I watch her body move
In her silky dress
A shape to sin for
A sway
A step
Her hips sing to me
She flips her hair
Golden threads
Like lassos
Tying my desires
My most carnal desires
This sin will be mine
She is my prey
I close in toward her
Stopping her step
Without a startle or surprise
Our eyes lock
In a dance of love
A dance of death
The mongoose
The snake
Skin touches skin
A look
The hook
Her breath
My lips part
Her pulse quickens
With each breath
I pull her close
Hips grind on hips
Her hands embrace
My arms
My back
I lean in
She pulls me closer
My eyes close
Teeth sink into flesh
My surprise
I should have seen it in her eyes
I am the lamb
She is the wolf
Now I belong to her
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In the minds eye
04:18:14 - Nov 12 2008
Times Read: 456
A homely cherub perches
On a marble ledge
Watching over an effervescent pond
Where the bull frogs are known
Only by their eyes
And the birds pause
A little longer on the shore
Reeds grow solemnly around
The willow that stretches and yawns
Its arms covered in a sweater
Of Spanish moss
Tangles of hair and yesterdays
Swaying with the wind
And a dragonfly darts
In a dance of delight
Under the tree
In the long summer grass
A boy lies dreaming
A dream awake
A life lived vicariously
In the wonders of his mind
The inertia that can only
Set in motion
The dreams of youth
The wonders of the future
And what life holds
Beyond the life known
Spurred on by the words
Written by another
Pictures painted and hung
So carefully on the wall
Creativity captured by a hand
But seen better in the mind’s eye
The intentions not of matter
But of feeling
Nay, not of the physical
But spiritual
Commanding the heart to move
Commanding the mind to dream
Commanding the passion to flow
And giving life
Oh, giving a breath taking life
To the world to have for its own
But it is here
Within an audience of one
Where a friend is found
A confidant
Offering comfort on lonely nights
Soothing the aching heart
And letting a weary mind rest
At ease with a dream
A star to reach toward
A hurt to leave behind
Tomorrows defined
Only by possibility and hope
Without this
What would a tomorrow be?
And a life lacking this
Would be more difficult to lead
Left with the stark and empty promises
Of the world that surrounds
And the bitterness of living
Without a dream
No stars at night
No clouds in the sky
A heart without a beat
Without love or desire
This
Is no life for me
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What is this?
11:40:36 - Nov 06 2008
Times Read: 475
...
Forgive me for not understanding
That which was never explained
But my heart moves
And my heart loves
And my heart commands my body
My heart can understand
And my heart can work towards a compromise
But only when a compromise is offered
And the reasons are made clear
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PRIVATE ENTRY
11:38:05 - Nov 06 2008
Times Read: 476
* * * PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY * * *
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It is all in the knowing...
23:17:05 - Nov 05 2008
Times Read: 487
The world turns invisible
Under the rising sun
Heating the rocks and the ground
And the world turns ever on
This I know
Behind this veil of light
And cold silken shadows
She wears her disguise
Unknown to those unwilling to see
The disguise now wears her
In this shroud of mystery
Found only by the wandering
The vagabond
And loved by the few
For she holds her heart
Throbbing in her hand
This heart once so precious
Now bled of life and love
Broken by the weight of its loss
Burned to smoldering ashes
But the world turns ever on
For those who give their own heart
Absolute and without compromise
For they know
Those that are willing
The wanderers
They see beyond this veil
A clairvoyance
A knowing
That only the loving heart can see
And I say
To the world this day
I know
With the skin of my hands
I have felt the beating of this heart
In the rocks and the sand
Through the tides and the wind
And with my ears
I have heard the beating of this heart
In the music that surrounds us
About the love that we make
And the laughter of the children
The golden laughter
And with my eyes
I have witnessed the power of this heart
In the deeds of the few
Who give everything they have
For a purpose felt only by their heart
And all the love they share
Only with them
The world turns ever on
And I can shout it this day
I know
And in the knowing
Is the freedom we seek
The magic of life
I know
This heart beats with mine
It can be disguised no more
I have lifted the veil
And kissed the lips of this blessed life
I have suffered and bled
And given all I have
I have burned my skin
With the searing flame
I have stood the trial
Of the ignorant and hurtful
I have paid the penance
And will pay no more
I have spoken to angels
And listened to the wise men
Their words
From the mountains
As whispers on the wind
And I can scream it this day
I know
And it is in the knowing
That I have found my freedom
And I know
This world can only take
What I am willing to give
I have given my strength to another
In their time of need
Only asking for love in return
I have offered my heart
Willingly to those who need love
Only asking for love in return
I have boiled my skin in the sun
To offer shade to another
Only asking for love in return
I have surrendered my flesh
For those who would demand it
And ceased to expect love in return
I know
And it is in the knowing
For those that know
We give of ourselves
And ask only for love in return
The love that exists always
In this beating heart
I know
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What life hinges on...
14:43:13 - Nov 05 2008
Times Read: 501
Unprepared but determined
Under dressed but willing
I step out into the thin mountain air
Lungs tight
The cold seeps in
Through my mouth agape
Trying to take in
What the Earth will not give
A breath
Life giving
But the mountain desires
To control my breath
I fight for control
Stepping into the snow
The icy rocks
And rolling pebbles
Slip out from under my feet
Uncontrolled
The cold air claws at my exposed skin
My hands begin to numb
My feet begin to ice
Nary protected from the snow
They sink into
A shiver
A tremble
The pain of not feeling
Which path?
Further up I go
Keep a landmark in sight
A rock
A peak
The trees disguise
What little the mountain provides
Breathless
But fighting
It tires me
The steep
Climb
Cold
Up
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The pale light cast upon the skin of a sinner...
13:57:06 - Nov 02 2008
Times Read: 529
The night holds no promise
This empty street provides no forgiveness
Between the shadows
That dominate the cleaved
Cobblestone paths
The uneven steps
Cautiously treaded upon
By the pointed shoes
She wears like a sandwich board
As the street surrenders
Mist and fog in the cold night air
The dampness cuts
A knife prickling the skin
And hair standing on end
On arms
On neck
A chill that crushes bone
And a mortal cry
For sanctuary
In this aquarium
The eyes watching through the glass
Between the buildings
A towering cityscape
Of these judging eyes
She feels these eyes
Hiding behind the curtains and blinds
Under the glow of the moon
Circled by its holier-than-thou halo
High above and removed
So purely preserved
From the sins of the city it smiles upon
But its ancient craters and scars
Evidence of its abuse
The past pain of living to serve another
And never given
A chance to recover
But still it shines on
Even if only to reflect the light of another
To give the other hope
In the darkest of nights
When the stars don’t provide
The guidance
And the clouds creep in
Shadowing the world
She walks between these shadows
Each night
Judged and scorned
By those surrounded by their own halos
Glowing not by their own light
And as unforgiving as the street at night
These judging eyes
Unwilling to speak
Deaf to her testimony
Still putting her on trial
For the sins they only read about
In the second section of the newspaper
And what they see on television
Their sympathy never exists
For those already convicted
Placed on trial by their eyes
And their judgment
In the alleys and city streets
Under the light of the moon
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11:11:20
Nov 26 2008
A stone locked on a mountain side
Nothing to bring luck to his heart
The gavel drops and echoes through his life
His mind sweats
This struggle and the twists and turns of the story it tells is profound in many ways. I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you.